Algo que es peor que disimular

Istian plainly showed that he admired her still; that he saw

And equally cold and clear her few commonplace words fell: "No, I thank
you; I prefer not to sing any more to-night." What answer was made, or
how, still touching Sir Edwin's arm, she was piloted back through the
crowd to Miss Gascoigne's side, Christian had not the slightest
recollection either then afterward; she only knew that she did it, and
he did it, and that he then bowed politely and left her. So it was all
over. They had met, she and her sometime lover, her _preux chevalier_ of
a month--met, and she did not love him any more. Not an atom! All such
feelings had been swept away, crushed out of existence by the total
crushing of that respect and esteem without which no good woman can go
on loving. At least no woman like Christian could. Call her not fickle,
nor deem it unnatural for love so to perish. After learning what she had
learned from absolute incontrovertible evidence (it is useless to enter
into the circumstances, for no one is benefited by wallowing in
unnecessary mire), that she, or any virtuous maiden, should continue to
love this man, would have been a thing still more unnatural--nay,
wicked. No, she did not love him any more, she was quite sure of that.
She watched his tall, elegant figure---he was as beautiful as Lucifer--
moving about the rooms, and it seemed that his very face had grown ugly
to her sight. She shivered to think that once--thank God, only
once!--his lips had pressed hers; that she had let him say to her fond
words, and write to her fond letters, and had even written back to him
others, which, if not exactly love-letters, were of the sort that no
girl could write except to a man in whom she wholly believed--in his
goodness and in his love for herself. What had become of those letters
she had no idea; what was in them she hardly remembered; but the thought
of them made her grow pale and terrible. In an agony of shame, as if all
the world were pointing at her--at Dr. Grey's wife--she hid herself in a
corner, beh